Roomates Beware! Part 4

Always flush the toilet three times.

Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.

Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic’s “Pennsylvania Polka,” and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it’s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.

Give him/her an allowance.

Listen to radio static.

Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.

Cry a lot - Sorry Marie!!

Send secret admirer notes on your roommate’s email.

Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.

Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.

Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and giggle to yourself.

If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. Use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.

If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.

Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.

Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you’re doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.

Find out your roommate’s post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.

Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.

Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you’re holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.

Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.

Follow him/her around on weekends.

Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.