Anyone want an animal?

I can't do this two cat thing... unless one of them stops going to the bathroom..
There appears to be something wrong with my hands and fingers.. I am slowly losing the ability to move them.
So I'll type quickly and as best as I can before I curl up in a ball and all my physical functions stop working.
I need to call the bank... as a result of lack of sleep I forgot my passwords for my online banking as well as the answers to my security questions... kinda crummy yes I know.
But good news, I have a job interview tomorrow morning at the Jewish Historical Museum. I'm pretty confident I can get it too, cause I got it last year. So yeah.
That's all that's good in my life right now. Its really pretty crummy right now actually.
I got my info on St. Andrew's.. there's no one to go with now.. anyone want to go with me?
Anyways... gonna go do something to get the movement back in my hands. Later.

Banks, governments, socks, tv

So I picked up mail at the old apartment today, and to my delightful surprise I discovered that I have received a credit of 4000 dollars towards my student loans because I am from a "low-income" family. I was quite happy. Then when I got home later, I got an email from my uncle saying that all the bank stuff had gone through and my credit line had been accepted. So yay again. Might this be a feeling of financial stability?
On a sadder note, my mother gave me a bunch of clothes that over the last few weeks I had left at her house, my accident she gave me a pair of socks that had actually been my grandfathers. The night he got really bad, Mom and I had stayed in the hospital and my feet were cold, so I"d borrowed a pair of his socks... its strange how upsetting it was for me to find them at the bottom of the bag.. upsetting enough to send me into a good cry over it and I"d been doing good with not crying about losing him lately.
The voice of Lewis Black, the comedian just doesn't fit the man himself. Just something I've noticed... also.. do we really ever think that Gilligan and gang are actually gonna get off the island. At 4 in the morning last night when I couldn't sleep I watched Gilligan's Island.. and once again they thought they were gonna get off, as much as I love that show I can't help but laugh at my thoughts when watching it...
"Oh, great! A space capsule that all the civilized world is looking for!"
"This is the time! This is when they finally get rescued! Cause they're gonna find the space capsule and then they're gonna find the crew!"
"Yay"
"No you idiot! They aren't! They never do! Ever! They'll never be rescued!"

I think I'd like to see the final episode of Gilligan's Island? Is there even one? Or did they just not end the show, cause they had no idea how to end it... "Do we rescue them? And have them all part ways, never to see one another again?" Or.... "Do we just leave 'em, happy and contented with their little island?"
Anyways, I must be off. My house is clean, my bed is being warmed by kitties and Sex and the City is on in 9 minutes. So I must exit the foggy mist of me! Later

Pain and such...

Why do we do things that we know are gonna end badly?
Why when we can see the end of the tunnel and we know it just leads to a cliff that we're gonna fall off of, do we still keep going? Why don't we just stop before it can get any worse? Do we think the experience of getting our hearts broken is gonna be good for us? Do we think there is gonna be some big miracle that's gonna happen that's gonna fix it all and the cliff is gonna disappear?
I've decided that forever will no longer be part of my vocabulary. Its not real, there is no such thing as forever, unless its describing loneliness. Its too much to live up to. No one can love for forever. Or at least no one can love me forever. Its too much to ask I guess. Its too much to ask...
Its not just cause its the first time that someone has wanted to leave me, I don't believe that it gets easier. There is no way you can give so much to someone, build so many dreams around them, accept their love (or at least what you thought was love) and not hurt like this.
And its not just any kind of hurt. Its not the hurt like when someone you love dies... they don't intentionally leave you, dying is just part of life, but this kind... the realization that someone just doesn't want you, that you just aren't enough to make them happy.
Its when you wish that a broken heart was somehow phsycially painful. So you don't feel so foolish for crying over something that's broken but that you can't see. Its much easier to cry over something where you see the blood, know exactly what happened and know for sure you were the one who caused it. Whereas this... this is is nothing you can see, you can't put your finger on exactly what made it all go wrong... and you really don't know if it was you or not...

Bah

*sigh* Nine hours later I am home. And the worst part of it all, I'm only paid for 8 of those hours. No, I didn't take an hour to get to and from work, nope, we're just not paid for the hardest part of our job that last 30 to 60 minutes at the end of shift where we must count money, organize papers and fill out uneeded calculations, and fight to close that damn door.
Yes, I've had a bad day. Sorry.
And somehow all day I tricked myself into thinking there would be someone here to hold me when I got home. But alas, the trickery has tricked me. Instead of arms to fall into, I beheld a cat mess and a smelly house (I missed garbage day today - slept in). So instead of crying my eyes out in those comforting arms I have made myself a dacquiri (minus the slushiness) and have given the cats ice cubes to play with.
Saw someone from high school today. You know, its funny how when you are able to be with someone (and really want to) they can't and when they want to be with you, you've got someone (though somehow want to be with them still). Anyways, I have a number with a note that says "If you change your mind or get lonely..." Lonely yeah... I got that one down pat.. but not changing my mind... at least not right now. I don't think I should be excited about getting to see this person everyday... ...
On a lighter note, House was on last night. It was the season finale. I don't know if I can go a whole summer without any new episodes of House. Its surprising how a ass like House can be so attractive. Anyways, it was a confusing episode. I was completly lost by the end of it. And I'm not impressed that I have to wait to find out what the hell was going on.
I don't work till 1 tomorrow. And I"m training a girl. That could be interesting. I'm glad they think I know enough to let me train though, cause they are always treating me like I know nothing. Its quite frustrating. I heard a couple of the girls today talking bout how they just couldn't understand what my boss had thought I"d be good for at this job... yeah... that was a nice stab in the back... oh but that's the world's mission, I swear it.
On a medical note, not that the back stabbing couldn't be considered medical... after my battery of test results came back, the doctor introduced me to a thing called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... my first thought was that it sounded tiring. My thoughts are smart. Essentially it explains all my physical problems, from the fever to the aches and pains to the lack of energy to the depression. Though it is nice to know all my medical problems can all go under one heading, the fact that there doesn't seem to be much of a "cure" for it is kinda frustrating.
But anyways, that's my update, perhaps I'll find something funny or something to post later... really I only post these things for my own sanity and benefit I doubt my life and my endless number of problems are of any interest to you... yet I write anyways.
Later, must find energy to clean my house.

Roomates Beware! Part 7

I just realized I hadn't posted any Roomates Beware stuff lately. Probably because I haven't had time and because I don't really have a roomate anymore so it didn't seem to applicable. But in preperation for next year and for everyone who still has a roomie - here we go!

Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, “Don’t come in, I’m naked!” Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.

Bring in potential “new” roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, “Oh, him/her? He/she won’t be here much longer.”

If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, “Ungrateful little...”

Pile dirty dishes in your roommate’s bed. Insist that you don’t know how they got there.

Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously “recover.” Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, “Oooh, are you dying?”

Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, “Oh, he’s around here, somewhere.”

Tell your roommate, “I’ve got an important message for you.” Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can’t remember what the message was. Later on, say, “Oh, yeah, I remember!” Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.

Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.

While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

Explain to your roommate that you’re going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lot s of bacon.

Make a sandwich. Don’t eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich.Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, “Hey, where is my sandwich!?” Complain loudly that you are hungry.

Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the poor picture quality.

Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.

Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate’s potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate’s potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, “He just didn’t belong.”

Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.

Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that “It’s a jungle out there.” Get your roommate to bring you food and water.

Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, “Psst! Is it gone?”

Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.

Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bullseye.

Sex according to Dr.Allison Cameron

I was rewatching some "House, M.D." Episodes earlier and I had almost forgotten how much I loved this quote from Dr. Cameron

"I'm uncomfortable about sex. Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Know that women can have an hour long orgasm?"

I love her. She's great! And after saying all that she turns around and changes the subject immediately. Anyways, must go collapse for a bit and then clean up my house.

I heart Saint John

I do. Really. I walked in one end of the market it was beautiful sunny, walked out the other end five minutes later and it was downpouring. I love it! I skipped in the rain, until I fell. Then I had to fill out an accident report for the liquor store. They all know me by name already. I was just getting rum for my strawberry daquiri's. If I believed that drinking was wrong, I might think that my falling and tearing the skin off my foot was a sign from God. But I don't. :)
But anyways, I"m making dinner tonight. I'm thawing my chicken right now, the vegetables are ready, as is the stuffing. All ready for the chicken to unthaw and supper will be almost ready.
I really do like where I"m living. I ran to both my banks in less than 5 minutes. Walked up the street for fresh fruit and vegetables and meat they wrap in butcher's paper, I discovered a convenience store just around the corner should I ever get the late night munchies or want to rent a movie, not that my stomach could handle the munchies... pretzels didn't even settle well.
So I have begun a "cool glass" collection. All different types of cool shaped glasses and mugs. And the best thing is that they are a cheap collection. I can get most of them for only a dollar or two.
My cats are on the couch fighting. They look like they are making out. Its funny.
Newboys concert tomorrow night!
Wow... is this energy I feel? Yay for new blood!
Anyways, back to my house cleaning and dinner making. Tootles!

Me sick, sick me

Went to the doctor today. The Melody is sick. With a bunch of different things, so I have a nice strict diet, with exercise as soon as I can stand up long enough to do anything, and the threat that if I"m not better in a few months there will be a hospital stay. It has also been suggested that I take some time from school. Strangely enough it was mentioned by several other people over the last few days too. Maybe they are on to something. I don't know. I need to think on it. It would mean I probably wouldn't go to Fredericton... I don't know. I probably wouldn't go back to university if I took a year off, I would probably find something a the community college or something. Which makes me rant about this whole issue of making money. I honestly don't care. Everyone keeps saying I want to go to get a job that will get me good money. I don't care. So what if the first few years after I get out of school consists of scrimping and saving. So what if I don't get to take a cruise or buy a house or a brand new car? I don't need alot of money to live. I don't want to take international trips every year or have a huge house with three cars. I don't mind having to be a working mother if whoever I'm with doesn't make enough money to support a family. Really, I"d be happy making enough money to save for that trip once in awhile or for building a house and to save something to live on after I retire.
I'm not looking for a job that's gonna give me lots of money... why is everyone telling me I need a job that's gonna give me lots of money? My family was perfectly comfortable on my father's very low salary. Sure, we never took huge trips farther than Moncton and we didn't get everything we wanted, but it was okay, we were comfortable.
Oh but they say that if I"m gonna go to university and have so much money in student loans I need to come out with a really good paying job. So why don't I just do something that will cost me half the money, take half the time and that will give me a decent paying job? And something I might actually like to do...
Maybe the doctor and everyone is right... maybe some time off might be a good idea. Some time to decide what exactly it is that I want to do, and am willing to do for a few decades. And its not like I'd be one of those students to take a year off and never go back. I"d definetly go back to school somewhere. I don't really know... But I"m gonna think on it. I have the rest of the summer to decide and see how healthy I am, and then another 6 or months after that to decide what to do the next year.
Anyways, I need to go strangle some cats... and tomorrow I need to find the energy to get to a store to buy some locks for my cupboard doors, so that my dishes aren't continuously covered in cat fur.
Off to cookies. I'm gonna bake. Later.

The waiting game has finished...

And no one won.
My Grandfather passed away on Thursday. Thursday was also my birthday. I've cried myself into what's looking like a relapse of mono and I still feel no better about anything. Apparently I'll feel priveledged and happy that he died on my birthday but right now it hasn't hit. The funeral was this morning and I was very happy to get it over with. After 3 days of visiting stuff I was really ready for it. It was really nice. It was a beautiful day for it. Had it been raining and muddy it would have been nearly impossible for my grandmother to do it. She's not well either. She's pretty sick and apparently there is something up with her kidneys... but I'm trying to just deal with one dying grandparent at a time.
So not too much exciting to share about my 19th birthday. Wasn't the best birthday I've ever had. Had my first legal strawberry daquiri, that was okay. Had a good time at Dairy Queen with my very frozen birthday cake, a large knife and Dave with the large knife in his hand.
Anyways, I must go crash on the couch. I will update more often I promise. So off I go. Later.

Mastermind Rational = Me

I am bored. I just did Jung's typology test. My type is INTJ meaning I am: introverted, intuitive, thinking and judging.
This is what they say about me: they tend to be much more self-confident than the rest, having, for obscure reasons, developed a very strong will. They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population. Being very judicious, decisions come naturally to them; indeed, they can hardly rest until they have things settled, decided, and set. They are the people who are able to formulate coherent and comprehensive contingency plans, hence contingency organizers or "entailers." Masterminds will adopt ideas only if they are useful, which is to say if they work efficiently toward accomplishing the Mastermind's well-defined goals. Natural leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once in charge, however, Masterminds are the supreme pragmatists, seeing reality as a crucible for refining their strategies for goal-directed action. In a sense, Masterminds approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity. To the Mastermind, organizational structure and operational procedures are never arbitrary, never set in concrete, but are quite malleable and can be changed, improved, streamlined. In their drive for efficient action, Masterminds are the most open-minded of all the types. No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained-if it is useful. Masterminds are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them. They are also alert to the consequences of applying new ideas or positions. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the Masterminds. On the other hand, Masterminds can be quite ruthless in implementing effective ideas, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy.

Okay.. some of that is me... alot of it not... but meh.

Anyways, I'm gonna go back to my sewing. Yes. I'm sewing. Aren't you proud of me?
Later Days.

The Waiting Game

I've always hated waiting. I hate waiting to get marks back, I hate waiting for someone to call. I hate waiting for food at a restaurant. But never before have I hated waiting for something as much as I hate waiting for my grandfather to die. It is just that: a waiting game. It could be hours, it could be days. We don't really know. You just need to be ready for it when it happens, you need to be always by your phone and able to be reached no matter where you are so that when the call comes you can get into the hospital to say your goodbyes.
But it really makes you think, this whole watching someone die thing... what is he thinking? Does he know? And if he doesn't, do you tell him? What's he feeling? Is he scared? What do you say to him? Do you say: "It'll be okay" and "You'll be going home soon" or do you just keep quiet?
Its really scarey... and I really don't like it. But anyways, I need to go get some sleep... later.

Happy May!

Sooo.. its been a few days. I"ve put in another day of work, I have my schedule for May and I am beginning the search for a second job... as the job I have is not gonna give me enough. I mean, it'll give me enough to live off of for the summer but enough to save up anything for next year and I need to do that since I won't have any scholarships this year. I want to save up enough to pay for all my books and all my bills for the first two months. That's possible, but only with a second, possibly third job. I don't really mind though cause I'm really lonely so it'll keep me busy I guess.
So Willow and Monty have discovered how to open the kitchen cupboards. So I need to kittyproof my cupboards... oh and more exciting kitty news. They have found insulations somewhere in my place... I have looked... and I think its somewhere I can't get too, anyways... yeah.. they are forming a nice little pile on my pillow. I will be sleeping on the couch tonight I guess. Especially since I can't find my epipen.
Anyways, speaking of bed.. I must head that way... gotta work in the morning. Later All.