Pain and such...

Why do we do things that we know are gonna end badly?
Why when we can see the end of the tunnel and we know it just leads to a cliff that we're gonna fall off of, do we still keep going? Why don't we just stop before it can get any worse? Do we think the experience of getting our hearts broken is gonna be good for us? Do we think there is gonna be some big miracle that's gonna happen that's gonna fix it all and the cliff is gonna disappear?
I've decided that forever will no longer be part of my vocabulary. Its not real, there is no such thing as forever, unless its describing loneliness. Its too much to live up to. No one can love for forever. Or at least no one can love me forever. Its too much to ask I guess. Its too much to ask...
Its not just cause its the first time that someone has wanted to leave me, I don't believe that it gets easier. There is no way you can give so much to someone, build so many dreams around them, accept their love (or at least what you thought was love) and not hurt like this.
And its not just any kind of hurt. Its not the hurt like when someone you love dies... they don't intentionally leave you, dying is just part of life, but this kind... the realization that someone just doesn't want you, that you just aren't enough to make them happy.
Its when you wish that a broken heart was somehow phsycially painful. So you don't feel so foolish for crying over something that's broken but that you can't see. Its much easier to cry over something where you see the blood, know exactly what happened and know for sure you were the one who caused it. Whereas this... this is is nothing you can see, you can't put your finger on exactly what made it all go wrong... and you really don't know if it was you or not...