Home

I'm home. It was a good weekend. Personally it ended horribly.. and I really don't know exactly what it was that upset me so much. Actually, no I have a fairly good idea of what it was. Couples.. I hate them. I think right now I"m just bitter.. but I think half of the people who got on that bus this afternoon were a half of a couple and of course they got walked to the bus station by the other half, for a few there were tearful goodbyes etc... it made me mad and I don't like that it made me angry. It shouldn't. So the bus ride consisted of a great effort not to cry cause I was angry and because I was angry at myself for being angry.
I'm such a girl... except when it comes to violent movies.. which kinda worries me.. but meh.
I walked home in the rain along the harbour passage - one of the things I'm really gonna miss about SJ. Luckily it was raining so no one could tell I was crying.. though here I am telling you I was crying. Anyways.. I think I must have passed at least 25 couples... man walking the dog, holding the wife or girlfriend's hand, they'd be laughing or just chatting...
You know its frustrating... I'm pretty sure I know what I want... its just that I don't know how to go about getting it.
Its been a long time since I allowed myself to think about weddings and children... really long time. The girls were talking bout weddings and such at work the other day, it was surprisingly quite fun to dig up old dreams and share 'em with people who didn't think I was crazy.
You know... they tell you how to go about getting the career you want.. where are the guidebooks and counsellors to tell you how to go about getting a guy to fall in love with you, marry you and grow old with you? Not that I want that now.. cause I really don't think I'm ready for any relationships right now but I don't think this is a skill I have... so I could use some time to perfect it.
Rereading this... I'm quite the scatterbrained gal...
Anyways... I'm gonna go eat some grapes... not that I'm gonna "go" anywhere to eat 'em... just gonna get up, get them out of the fridge, wash them and sit back down here... so I guess I could talk more... but I'm gonna find something fun to post. So... back later!