Is there a chance that I might have feelings too?

Just because I've made a decision about ending a relationship, doesn't mean it doesn't upset me or bother me that its over. I'm so sick of people thinking that just cause I ended it means I'm perfectly content with the idea and that I'm not saddened or angered with anything concerning it.
I'm so freakin' miserable right now its not funny, I feel so hopeless and so confused and frustrated right now that I can't even think straight. I can't even keep my mind on something else long enough to understand the definition of a word. I feel like I'm walking around in this fog of unhappiness and anger that's never gonna clear up.
I hate myself for this. I hate myself for hurting the first person I ever truely cared about and a huge part of me begs that no one allow me to love again for fear that I'll hurt someone else cause I can't bloody well decide what I want. I'd never been happier, yet I wasn't happy. How much stupider can you get really?
I'm lonely. I want someone to hold me and tell me they love me. I just want comfort. And I don't know why I'm sad, and I don't know how to explain my sadness or any of my other feelings. But they're there.
And no one understands, there's no one to tell anything to, no one to just hold me and let me cry. No one to tell me I made the right or a good decision, no one to even say "It'll be okay". Nobody. So instead I sit down at my computer, and like the geek/loser I am, cry to my blog.
I'm so screwed up inside right now... Meredith on "Grey's Anatomy" summed it up perfectly: "Dark and Twisty". I am dark and twisty. So much. I am so f***ked up that its probably good that I'm losing everyone I love. Saw a pyschologist Monday... good to know I'm not the only one who realizes there's just something wrong with me. After a couple hours of psychoanalysizing (or however you spell it) me, I got more meds (not that I'll take them) and follow up appointments for the next 10 years of my life (that's a bit exagerrated). They've even given my problems fancy-medically names to make me sound even more crazy like, paranoid anxiety and obssessive-compulsive and apparently I'm dsylexic.. who woulda thunk it? I personally am not convinced cause I am an excellent speller and reader (though not aloud - apparently therein the problem lies).
So yes.. I am screwed up... if you Mr. Blog had doubted it at all. Though YOU would be the crazy one if you had.
Books and an essay await.